Dear collaborator,

I used to want you to think I had all my sh*t together, that I would never, under any circumstances, yell at my dog.

But I’m not perfect, and pretending that I am is no longer how I want to live my life.

The truth is, I have yelled at Muggins. I have run out of spoons and have given beyond my capacity. I have been so overloaded with sensation that I can’t think straight, everything hurts, and any kind of demand causes me to crumple onto the floor, a sobbing mess.

As a dog guardian, I hate those moments because when I am overloaded I can’t show up for my dog the way that I want, or the way that they need. And the shame that comes from that is unbearable.

So, what do I do?

I do what Muggins does: I love and accept and forgive myself, anyways.

Muggins’s volcano boils over sometimes too. And I don’t see them hating themselves afterward. They just move on, their sense of self completely intact.

I wanted to share this with you and tell you: You are not a “bad” dog guardian!

Even if you yelled at your dog. Even if you just let them keep barking. Even if you aren’t training them because it feels too overwhelming. Even if you can’t get out of bed because your body hurts too much. Even if you crumble onto the floor a sobbing mess because all the lights and sounds and smells feel painful and intrusive.

You are doing your best. Even when you run out of spoons, I know you put your dog first and give them everything you can.

I believe in you, and I know your dog believes in you, too.