What are the conditions of your “yes”?

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Hi Collaborator!

Have you ever said “yes” to something without considering whether or not you really wanted or had the capacity to do it?

Me too! I used to live my life according to what I thought other people wanted or expected from me, and I never considered what I wanted or needed.

But living that way wasn’t sustainable, and contributed to a lot of anxiety, reactivity, and digestive upset for both myself and for Muggins. So now I am learning to live my life according to how my body feels, and I check in with how Muggins responds to things too. While this isn’t easy, there are 2 questions I ask myself multiple times per day, and another question I ask before responding to any request or offer:

How does that feel in my body?
How is Muggins responding?
Under what conditions will Muggins or I say ‘yes’?

The first 2 questions are daily practices of noticing what I am feeling and how my body is responding, and paying attention to how Muggins responds.

Journaling about the experience helps me remember and notice patterns:
“When I slip on the ice under my feet, I feel scared and my heart pounds. When Muggins pulls on the leash I feel irritable. Muggins responds to snow with excitement and they respond to my slipping and becoming irritable by turning toward me with ears back and wagging their tail low.”

The 3rd question came to me from a post by Sarah at @comprehensiveconsent. This is about adjusting the task, tools, or the environment so the human and dog can participate fully. Asking this question has helped me to recognize that:

I have valid boundaries that I can communicate
Muggins has a perspective and boundaries that are also valid
there are requests I can make for support
I feel more pleasure in activities that meet my conditions

Photo of a human and dog, pausing on a snow-covered pine forest path. The black-and-white floppy-eardog is seated and focused. The human waves from behind, fully clad in blue-gray and black snow gear.

So, how do I know what my conditions are for saying “yes”?

The answers came from my journal notes!

My conditions for walking with Muggins in winter include:

I will only walk on icy days with suitable boots and micro spikes
Muggins needs time to run and play off the leash in the snow before walking
I need a face mask so I can talk to Muggins and ask for their eye contact
I need appropriate gloves so I can reward Muggins for eye contact

How did you feel while reading through my process? Are you having ideas about how to use these prompts in your own life? Would you like to be more attuned to how your body feels or how your dog responds?

If so, feel free to hit reply and let me know! Or, stay tuned for my next newsletter where I will share a worksheet that will guide you in finding the conditions for your and your dog’s YES!

A Testimonial

I have been working with Sharon for about 6 months now, and appreciate her unique perspective as both an occupational therapist and a dog professional. She approaches her work with a kind and generous nature, and has a beautiful ability to make her clients feel seen and heard. She has a great way of reading the situation, and adapting each session to what is happening in the moment.

I also appreciate how she shares her own experiences to make me feel like she genuinely understands. In our work together, we have addressed both dog behavior issues and my own personal struggles, and the connections between the two. Sharon has helped me develop a new set of tools to broaden my perspective and enhance my life.

Rachel & Gracie

Image shows a white human wearing black and red running clothes, a black cap and sunglasses, kneeling next to a brown sugar pitfall mix. The two are up a hill with the ocean surf behind.

Happy Dog Happy Human Podcast

At the HDHH podcast, Angela Tuckerman and I are starting the year off with a tough topic: grief. We love exploring the nuance involved in the human and dog experiences of difficult emotions, and normalizing the messy, challenging, tearful experiences to which we can all relate. I am so grateful to Angela for her willingness to sit with discomfort, as well as her skill in listening and relating to my experience.

Last week, we dropped Episode 5: On Human Grief.

We talked about what kinds of experiences trigger grief, shared our own experiences with loss, normalized the grief experienced after the loss of a dog, discussed how there is not wrong way to grieve, and shared some care tips to help us all through it.

Next Tuesday 2/7, we will release Episode 6: On Dog Grief

We will discuss how many animals feel a broad range of emotions (including grief), what grief looks like in dogs, share our experiences with dogs who have grieved the death of humans or siblings, discuss tips on how to help them through it, and explore some famous examples of the amazing love and loyalty displayed by grieving dogs across the world.

LISTEN NOW!

Current openings for affinity calls, consultations, or coaching:

Monday, 2/6, at 4pm EST

Tuesday, 2/7, at 11am EST

Wednesday, 2/8, at 12pm EST

Saturday, 2/11, at 11am EST

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Many thanks for reading!

In warmth and light,

~ Sharon ~