I do not practice punishment…

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Hi collaborator,

I do not practice punishment. Punishment is the act of causing unpleasant feelings to change behavior. Punishment can be either giving something unpleasant or taking away something needed or pleasurable. Most of the time, punishment is a reaction to harm and is based in fear, frustration or anger - we are overwhelmed by these unpleasant feelings, and we want the other to feel them too, thinking this will create safety. Unfortunately, this approach ruptures relationships by destroying trust and instilling fear, and this creates the exact conditions for more harm to occur.

We all exist within a society that normalizes and supports punitive practices in child-rearing, education, sports, healthcare, workplaces, politics, religion, and especially dog training. So I must acknowledge that this opening statement is something that I strive for, rather than something that is already true. I have practiced punishment by criticizing other humans, and, before I knew better, “correcting” dogs.

This is something that I have been working intentionally to change, and I can proudly say that Muggins has not been raised with punishment in any form, and punitive methods have no place in my current work. This new practice has been incredibly healing for me, and has contributed to behavior in Muggins that reflects feelings of safety, confidence, and trust. I still have work to do, however, as I continue to punish myself by practicing self-criticism and withholding things like rest and pleasure.

So, how do I continue this work?

Clarissa Pinkola Estes, PhD, in her book Women Who Run with the Wolves, writes that the second of 4 stages of forgiveness is to “forebear -- to abstain from punishing,” which she describes is “to have patience, to bear up against, to channel emotion,” and “to practice generosity” (pp.371). She also wisely encourages choosing one of these rather than setting oneself up for overwhelm by attempting all at once.

So, here are some ways that I practice patience as I strive toward eliminating punishment from my life:

when I notice self-criticism in my thoughts, I pause to take 3 deep breaths before thinking any other thoughts
when I invite Muggins to do hygiene activities with me, I wait for them to tell me when they’re ready before I touch them
when I feel hurt, scared, frustrated, or angry, I take a walk or a shower before addressing the incident that triggered those feelings

Check out Oumou’s workshop below to learn skills for supporting humans experiencing mental health crises without using punishment!

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Radical Mental Health First Aid!

Back in November, I participated in Oumou’s workshop: Radical Mental Health First Aid (RMHFA), and it was so engaging to learn practical consent-based strategies for identifying when someone might need support, connecting in a moment of crisis, and providing care in ways that don’t involve punishment, the police, or violating someone’s autonomy.

Radical Mental Health First Aid - Sunday, 4/30 at 12pm PST / 3pm EST
This workshop will teach you some of the skills necessary to support those experiencing a crisis/stressor in a trauma-informed, embodied, and consent aware way. You will learn de-escalation tips and strategies. You will also be offered non-carceral* resources, tips, and tools.

These workshops are for anyone who interacts with other humans in their personal or professional life, including healers, therapists, peer support folks, doctors, hairstylists, Yoga instructors, dog trainers, tattoo artists, and more!

*The word “carceral” refers to punitive practices of jail and prison.

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Yes, dogs can smell your fear! They also…

…see the wideness of your eyes, hear the apprehension in your voice, and feel the tension as your body constricts protectively. Dogs are extremely attuned to humans; they notice (and respond to!) all the signs of our various emotional states. And we are not aware of our own states, it’s really hard to know what we need, ask for support, or communicate effectively.

This 1 hour 17 minute pre-recorded class supports humans who live with pet dogs in building knowledge and skills for recognizing and interpreting nonverbal cues in yourself and your dog so that you can identify and communicate your needs, efficiently understand your dog’s behavior, and proactively reduce stress for both of you.

This workshop includes:

Guided breathing
Education on:
- 3 nervous system states
- 9 nonverbal cues
Video examples to analyze and begin observational skill development
Experiential activities
- an exercise with other humans
- a training activity with your dog

*Bonus! When you purchase this recording, you’ll also receive 2 worksheets to help you map your and your dog’s nervous systems!

*This workshop includes closed captioning and reminders to breathe / drink water.

$75.00

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Episode 5: On Human Grief

Episode 5: On Human Grief is our most listened to episode! Angela and I agreed that we were not surprised about this (nor were we surprised that Episode 1: On Human Anxiety is our second most listened to episode). Grief and anxiety are universal human experiences - we all experience them at some point in our lives. Yet, simultaneously, we often feel very lonely in our experiences of both grief and anxiety because it can be terrifying to slow down long enough to sit with these feelings, we often struggle to find words to describe what we’re going through, and mental health and emotional expression are still highly stigmatized in our society. We hope these episodes help you feel less alone and more supported in your human experience.

What listeners are saying:

“Your honest way of sharing, and I could also see from your gestures and nonverbals, that it all came from your soul, so I immediately opened up and could relate to a lot that was said. It was also nice to hear you both talk about real life situations what were hard, and that I also experienced, like anticipatory grief.”

LISTEN TO EPISODE 5: On Human Grief

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Many thanks for reading - I look forward to collaborating with you!

In warmth and light,

~ Sharon ~